History and Culture
How Orthodox Parents Can Teach the Beauty of Waiting Until Marriage
In today’s world, sexual practices before marriage have become so normalized that discovering a person has truly practiced abstinence and is waiting until marriage is viewed as odd and rare.
Yet the Orthodox Church has always upheld the belief that: “Sexual intercourse is to be protected as a sacred expression of love within the community of heterosexual monogamous marriage in which alone it can be that for which God has given it to human beings for their sanctification.”
How can we, as parents, raise our children with a firm belief in the sanctity of marriage and a true desire to wait before engaging in sexual intercourse until married? I believe it comes down to five main points that we should take seriously in preparing our children for adulthood and marriage: empowering dialogue about sex, honest conversations about our bodies, being the example to our children, not dating until they’re ready for marriage, and—of course— prayer.
1. Empowering Dialogue
Many people believe that the Sexual Revolution began in the 1960s, with the rise of feminism and relaxation of sexual inhibitions. However, the Sexual Revolution actually began in the 1940s, during and after World War II. The war had a liberalizing effect on values, religion, childbearing, and marriage. The generation who grew up during this period of liberalization is often referred to as the “Silent Generation,” in part, because while sexual practices greatly increased during this time, they were not talked about.
With the advent of the Sexual Revolution came an unhealthy reaction: fear-based messaging surrounding sex before marriage, pregnancies outside of wedlock, and the rise of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). We saw these public health campaigns against AIDS that ran from the 1970s through the 1990s.
Now, decades later, we are witnessing the consequences of that fear-based messaging. The pendulum has swung the other way, and Sexual-Revolutionary values have become the norm, weakening the sanctity of marriage and traditional values. TV shows have been created promoting teen pregnancies. Public schools are establishing daycare centers in the schools for teens with children. Pornography and hookup culture have been normalized in regular television and books such as the recent Prime series Off Campus. We also see the rise of the “sex-sells” romance books such as Fifty Shades of Grey or Fourth Wing.
The fear-based messaging started with the intention of stopping the Sexual Revolution. It has, inadvertently, contributed to weakened morals and our near-total lack of respect for the human body—especially the female body.
What if, instead of fear-based messaging, we embraced a more grace-centered approach? What if we engaged our children in empowering dialogue about the beauty of God’s design: the gift of sex within marriage and the human body as a sacred temple? What if we took the more Christ-like approach when having these difficult but necessary conversations with our children?
Think of it in terms of conversion. People don’t join the Church because they are afraid of it and fear the “consequences.” Quite the opposite: people leave churches for those very reasons. We are seeing this record-breaking wave of conversion happening in the Orthodox Church because of the beauty and grace shown within the faith.
Jesus didn’t teach from a place of fear. He taught in parables to help us better understand and He was the living example of the beauty and grace that comes with following Him. We should take this same approach with our children.
Sex is not a topic to fear or be ashamed to discuss. The OCA states:
The sexual character of human persons has a positive role to play in human spirituality. Like all things human, sexuality must be sanctioned by God and inspired with the Holy Spirit, used for the purposes God has intended. And like all things human, through its misuse and abuse, sexuality can be perverted and corrupted, becoming an instrument of sin rather than the means for glorifying God and fulfilling oneself as made in His image, and according to His likeness.
When sex is used and viewed as a way to glorify God between a husband and wife and with the possibility of procreation, then sex becomes a blessing and true gift given to married couples from God. The OCA offers many sessions and worksheets to help guide these conversations in grace-filled ways centered in the beliefs of the Church and Christ’s teachings.
2. Honest Conversations About Our Bodies
Arguably one of the most harmful developments in modern society since the rise of feminism and the Sexual Revolution has been hormonal birth control and other unnatural forms of contraception with the intent to control when and how women have children. These drugs are also marketed as lessening period pain, especially for young teens entering puberty. Newer research is showing the negative impacts of birth control on a woman’s body and how it causes more harm than good, often leading to side effects such as life-threatening blood clots and permanent infertility issues.
